1970s Road Trip Stories — Motoring Lane

It was the summer of 1973, and Frank Kowalski had a plan. A foolproof, airtight, absolutely-nothing-can-go-wrong plan. He was going to load his wife Donna, their four kids — Bobby (12), Patty (10), Little Frankie (7), and the baby, Gina (4) — plus their beagle, Biscuit, into the brand-new 1973 Chevrolet Caprice Classic Station Wagon and drive from Akron, Ohio all the way to Niagara Falls. "It'll be an adventure," he told Donna. Donna, who had been married to Frank for fourteen years, simply poured herself a second cup of coffee.

The trouble started before they even left the driveway. Frank had packed the wagon the night before with the precision of a military general — suitcases in the back, cooler wedged between the rear seats, and a road atlas from 1968 that he absolutely refused to replace. "Maps don't change," he declared. Donna pointed out that the new interstate had opened in 1971. Frank said the atlas had character.

By the time they hit the Pennsylvania border, Biscuit had eaten two of the four bologna sandwiches Donna had packed for lunch, Little Frankie had announced he needed to use the bathroom approximately every eleven minutes, and Bobby and Patty had already declared a Cold War over the invisible line dividing the back seat. Gina, blissfully unaware of all of it, had fallen asleep with her face pressed against the window, leaving a perfect fog circle every time she breathed.

Frank, meanwhile, was navigating by the 1968 atlas and a stubborn confidence that would have impressed Magellan. He missed the turn for Route 20 somewhere outside Erie and ended up on a gravel road behind a dairy farm. The Caprice — all 4,600 pounds of it — got stuck in a mud rut while a Holstein cow stared at them through the windshield with what Donna later described as "pure, knowing judgment." It took a farmer named Earl, a tractor, and twenty minutes of Frank saying "I almost had it" to get them back on the road.

They finally arrived at Niagara Falls at 7:43 PM, two hours after the observation deck closed. Frank stood at the railing in the fading light, staring at the falls, and said, "Worth it." Donna took a photo of him anyway. Bobby and Patty had declared a peace treaty somewhere around Buffalo. Little Frankie had not needed the bathroom in over an hour, which everyone agreed was a miracle. Biscuit had eaten the last sandwich. And Gina, finally awake, looked at the roaring falls and said, "Is that a big bathtub?"

The drive home took nine hours. Frank found a 1971 road atlas at a gas station in Dunkirk, New York. He did not buy it. The 1973 Chevy Caprice Classic Wagon — wood-grain panels, AM radio, and all — made it back to Akron without a single mechanical complaint, which Frank said proved it was the finest automobile ever built. The Kowalski family returned the following summer. Frank bought a new atlas.